Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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