i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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