We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
