guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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