Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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