you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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