so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
