By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
