Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
