the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
