Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am available for nakedness
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
