So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
