i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
