Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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