I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
