I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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