His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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