When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
