Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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