I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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