No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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