You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
