More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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