she was so not down for the gang bang
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
