this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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