So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
