I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
