I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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