dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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