My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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