I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
