u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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