i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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