Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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