Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
