i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No subtext here. People are naked.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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