And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
