I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
