He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
