I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
