Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
