I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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