Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
