I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
