i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
