Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
