Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
worst night to have a conscience
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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