I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
