Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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