Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
