I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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