After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
