He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
