It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
