I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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