I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
