why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
do nipples grow back?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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