hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
