Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
