It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
