So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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