so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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