So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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