Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
