Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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