There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
