Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The adults are the big ones right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
