You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
