Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
