I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
