dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
