Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
