we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
