I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
