After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
