Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
