I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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