i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
