I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
