By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize