Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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