dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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