Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
