i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
