Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
