Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
