i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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