my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize