I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
