I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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