your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize