hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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