She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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