i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
