yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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