Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
