well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize