my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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