P.S. I can't hear my feet
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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