I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize