We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
