Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
