Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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