Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize