HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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