We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
