Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
