just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize