I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
