oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Someone shit on the floor
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
