Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
