I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
