normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize