she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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