You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I forget how to act sober
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
