you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
