i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I had to cum in my sink.
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