i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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