my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
