He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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