Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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